Silvia Costa: The skin that she lives in.
Daniel Martínez Rodríguez. "Periódico Trabajadores"
We all keep a fistful of intimacies, we share with nobody, living under the walls of our soul. It is a personal terrain never stepped on…
These are hard times, worse, somber ones, and there is an aggressive edge of anxiety in the air. It is crucial to listen to feelings, to the spirit of people who do not embellish them with the colors others like. Those who murmur truth and hurt. Mystery, freshness and strangeness…
“I do not give interviews. I have decided this long ago. I am giving you one by the work and grace of, I do not know what,” says Silvia Costa, and her eyes hit my face. Maybe they are brown. I have only two certainties. They hit and strongly, better yet!
“I chose anonymity -she points and touches her hair with a gesture full of daily tiredness, to return to her charge-. I am a simple person, attached to my neighbours. I prefer to be far away from anything that calls attention. It’s my way of being,” and deep lines of shadows sink under her eyebrows. Suddenly she frowns with a question mark…
The hardest process for an athlete is retiring -explains the ex-high jumper, while she covers in a few big steps the living room of her apartment. The athlete believes that there is more, fails to understand the body is saying “not beyond here.” Many are not ready. They fall into addictions and depressive states. They lose any motivation. One thinks about many things. Even if you are a trainer, it is not the same,” ratifies with her lips curved.
She sits across from me in a solid chair and looks anxiously around her. “It was difficult. My trainer never prepared me psychologically for that step. “Un- training? ¡None, reason why I still suffer from high pressure!,” she affirms controlling her memories and then liberating them, or maybe she manages both things at the same time. Something I wish I could do with some issue of my day to day.
“Now they may do it. Not with me. When you stop being useful, they do not remember you anymore,” she highlighted with an ambiguous gesture, and she hints that her answer remained in her consciousness, waiting for the proper moment for it to flow until empty.
“You know I prefer not to speak of sports. Even I am not comfortable when they yell my name in the street -she affirms with the corner of her mouth falling a little. With time one values the achievements more. Each medal has a history, sometimes known only to oneself, very personal issues,” and she wrinkles her forehead.
She stands now. She searches for her space. Comfort remains jailed in her interior. She goes into the kitchen and among the noise of cups and coffee maker, maybe looking for some emotional comfort, she goes on.
“I never imagined that my national record (2 meters and 4 centimeters) would last for more than 30 years. Young talented women tried but they could not…It is not going to be easy to break it. I hope they cannot do it. That way they will remember me,” smiles sarcastically, moving her head with the gesture of a sparrow and goes back with a couple of cups for the smelly coffee.
“That record was during the World Cup of 1989 in Barcelona, she highlights and her tone of voice explodes in the living room. It was the year's competition. I got well and really high during the second jump. Gold and emotion. I was not surprised. Even I tried 2 meters and 10 centimeters, she adds, while she sits carefully to avoid spilling her coffee. She takes the cup to her nose. Moves her from one side to the other. Takes two intense sips and goes into the taste of other memories. I confess. If I had continued preparing with Guillermo de la Torre I would have jumped higher. With him I imposed the youth record,” she certifies and stretches her arms and legs curving herself. I believe her spine creaks like the noise of far away shooting.
She realigns herself rigidly in the chair. With a hand she dries her pearly forefront with sweat. Her other one caresses the cup, sitting over her legs.
“I doubted the results of a number of foreign athletes of my stage, there were many instances of doping substances, nowadays they are known and discovered. In those days, no,” she explains searching in one of her pockets as if such action will help her awaken more of her memories.
“The medal most loved is the silver from the 1993 Stuttgart Outdoor World Cup. I jumped 1.97 –she says with clean diction that shows her humanity and character, I was recovering from an Achilles heel injury. It was a season of ups and downs,” she testifies and she touches a thin scar that almost snakes from the calcaneal to the beginning of the calf of her right leg.
Sights with passion, searching in the interior of the empty coffee cup. She brings more coffee, looking for the opportunity to serve herself again. I thank her with an almost timid, no. Then, pain in word form sinks in the chess like a sharpened knife.
“In my best moment I was not in the Olympic Games. Because of solidarity we did not compete in Los Angeles 1984 and Seoul 1988. At that time I was among the best. In 1992, in Barcelona, it was not the same, I was sixth, at least I jumped. It was the satisfaction that I have”, she says with a thirst of comfort. I hope there was an oasis to calm so much accumulated burning longing.
“Not to win an Olympic medal weighs much, at least here, " she shoots in a hoarse and bitter murmur. It may be a cruel prologue of what’s to come, they do not consider you the same. The delivery and awards were worthless. It was costly to me and others. There are incredible things I do not understand,” she notes, stripped from feelings until then dumb and of the pain of saying it in a loud voice.
“People talk without knowing,” she continues and a puff of air sits in her lungs and burns her spirit. She takes a few seconds and a silence emerges. Suddenly it burns again.
“They believe that athletes are privileged. They forget the work and the sacrifice. Some things have changed, but during my time we could not drink a refreshment, money was not enough.
“You ended up spending in nonsense for presents. We could also not enter the country with that money. It was important. We gave ourselves. ¡No one can doubt it! –she says with emotional high octane. There were the results. There were no incentives and I am not talking about money,” she revels and a momentary disappointment strangles her.
She is up like a spring. She stretches her sweater and rediscovers that a small dark spot is still there, clinging almost clandestinely to a side of her sleeve. She tries to get rid of it with her finger and shares other stories.
“I never achieved a title in the Pan American Games. I finished with silver three times. I am not trying to justify myself as I am not like that. But my trainer, Ricardo Guadarrama, never had them as the main competition of the year, he gave importance to them but prioritized world events.
“With time I understood that we did not do some preparation phases well, " she says with small walks in the living room and shrinking her shoulders. We did not know when to increase or decrease the weights. Even once outside of the country we were very close to returning to Cuba because of misunderstandings.
“The training plan should not be violated. I paid for this in the Pan American games, she verifies snorting and slumping on the couch, while she twists lightly the fingers of her intertwined hands, satisfied with her revelation.
“Ritual before competing? She points and closes her eyes in a strange way. None, she accentuates, and the world turns off in her lips, only listening to music and concentrating on myself, in high jump your rival is the pole.
“It is a challenging specialty. You need to adapt to a group of mechanisms and do many repetitions.”
A natural and bruised smile takes hold of the moment. Again the past comes alive like that nostalgic perfume, full of passion and magic lives again, we feel it, sense it and suffer it.
“I selected sport to move forward. We were very humble, my parents and nine siblings. We live in La Palma, Pinar del Río, in a very precarious way, even bad. I was lucky to have the physical conditions and the love for sport, with that and delivery I was successful.
“I am away from sport. Making recommendations is not easy. Now they train differently and there is also lack of motivation, like a frigid landscape. They prefer leaving the country, she explains, and the words crackle pitifully.
“In life nothing is perfect. It hurts not to have continued preparing myself with Guillermo de la Torre, as I had gone further, higher. I told Javier Sotomayor, trained by Guillermo, you will achieve more, and here are the results. Doubts about what could have happened follow me”, and I swear the hairs of her neck and soul stand up…
The words of Silvia Costa leave a delicious sensation of discovery. Humans are both, confusion and clarity. Love and storms. Denying its contradictions and sincerity is curtailing the spirit. Blessed are people like this. Those who in shocking times live comfortably in their own skin.
Translation: NSCUBA
No comments:
Post a Comment